Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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