Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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