u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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