he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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