oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize