My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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