I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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