The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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