Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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