OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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