That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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