It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
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Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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