i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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