So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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