i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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