people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
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those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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