I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize