Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
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