So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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