I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
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you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
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Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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