I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize