I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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