i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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