I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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