Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
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I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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