my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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