Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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