Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
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I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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