Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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