you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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