When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
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I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
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I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i think my cat just said my name.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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