wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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