I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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