You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize