You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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