i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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