I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
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I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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