So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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