I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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