I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize