somebody snuck up and got me drunk
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
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I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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