So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
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Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
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You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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