when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
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we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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