hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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