Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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