I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
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NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
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If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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