After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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