Texts From Last Night

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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.

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  (918): It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk. http://tfl.nu/5huo
  Replies (4) Good night (821) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job

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  (312): Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job http://tfl.nu/iix6
  Replies (27) Good night (4910) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.

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  (970): You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip. http://tfl.nu/rzap
  Replies (3) Good night (2739) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.

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  (412): It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg. http://tfl.nu/82qd
  Replies (46) Good night (1546) Bad night (3110) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you

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  (208): And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you http://tfl.nu/dnhr
  Replies (15) Good night (3113) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.

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  (402): Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement. http://tfl.nu/h6nw
  Replies (43) Good night (685) Bad night (6319) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.

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  (217): Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship. http://tfl.nu/eyj6
  Replies (9) Good night (4517) Bad night (832)
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  (415): View more from California

  Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.

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  (415): Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits. http://tfl.nu/q1hp
  Replies (8) Good night (661) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.

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  (440): He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face. http://tfl.nu/bq6r
  Replies (9) Good night (468) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats

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  (519): I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats http://tfl.nu/z216
  Replies (13) Good night (1200) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car

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  (562): Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car http://tfl.nu/galf
  Replies (6) Good night (1035) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  that was THE gayest party i've ever been to

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.

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  (336): that was THE gayest party i've ever been to (1-336): To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting. http://tfl.nu/c4g2
  Replies (3) Good night (1305) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza

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  (908): Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza http://tfl.nu/tg8r
  Replies (1) Good night (656) Bad night (172) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.

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  (423): Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill. http://tfl.nu/tqj8
  Replies (2) Good night (1160) Bad night (196) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to

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  (313): We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to http://tfl.nu/22xn
  Replies (0) Good night (43) Bad night (16) Order T-Shirt

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