Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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