So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize